Do You Know Miracles?

By Lily Belland

People say to me, when I'm telling my life struggles and amazements, "Oh yes, I know." And what I want to say is "Really? Do you really know?" Do you know expectations, like those that come home from the hospital with that beautiful baby of what his future holds? Do you know what it is to have those expectations crossed off one by one or all at once, only to have them replaced by new ones?

Oh yes, you know expectations, but do you know hope? Do you know achievements, with all their hard work and determination, big or small or somewhere in between? Do you know what it is to spend hours on each and every baby step?

Oh yes, you know achievement, but do you know triumph? Do you know teachers and aides who give their all every day for the time they are with your child as well as hours after in planning and preparation? Do you know what it is to put 6 hours of effort into 40 minutes of success?

Oh yes, you know teachers, but do you know heroes? Do you know patience, and the endurance of cleaning up spilled milk every day for years and not crying over it or wondering if he's doing it on purpose? Do you know what it is after years of getting milk all over your hands to go nine whole days without a single drop of milk getting spilled.

Oh yes, you know patience but do you know joy? Do you know judgment, good or bad, in the looks of others as you help your child navigate his day? Do you know what it is to rise above the scorn and scowls and do what needs to be done when your child is having a "moment"?

Oh yes, you know judgment, but do you know strength? Do you know Christmas, and all its miracles and everything it stands for, or perhaps another holiday held sacred to you? Do you know what it is to almost lose everything, even Christmas, in the blink of an eye, but to have it returned to you?

Oh yes, you know Christmas, but do you know gratitude? Do you know love, and the warm fuzzy feeling that comes with snuggling with your child when he's getting ready for bed? Do you know what it is to read all the reports, and watch your child "blow it" at another chance at a relationship and significantly impact your relationships as well, and to love him anyway?

Oh yes, you know love, but do you know unconditional love? Do you know serenity, and security in watching your child sleep, knowing they are home in your safe and loving care? Do you know what it is just hours before to have the entire Police Department and all of your friends driving around looking for your child while you pray he's not broken in the middle of the road?

Oh yes, you know serenity, but do you know peace? Do you know words, and the power of communication and emotion they create, especially those four amazing ones that tug at your heart? "I love you Mommy." Do you know what it is to wait for years to hear any words and even longer to hear those magic words?

Oh yes, you know words, but do you know miracles?

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Lily Belland is mother to four children, including Patrick an 11 year old with autism. She works part-time as a Rehab Aide and is currently going to University towards a B.Ed degree. She hopes one day to open a therapy and respite centre for other individuals with autism. You can contact Lily atchaostheory888@hotmail.com