Amusing.....!

Excuse letters from parents in the original:

• My son is under a doctor’s care and should not take P.E. Please execute him.
• Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot.
• Dear School: Please ekscuse [sic] John being absent on January 28, 29, 30, 31, 32 and also 33.
• Please excuse Gloria from Jim today. She is administrating [sic].
• Please excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip.
• John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face.
• Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered by very close veins.
• Chris will not be in school today because he has an ache in his side.
• Please excuse Roy Friday from school. He has very loose vowels.
• I kept Billie home because she had to go Christmas shopping because I don’t know what size she wears.
• Sally won’t be in school a week from Friday. We have to attend her funeral.
• Please excuse Jennifer from missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday, we thought it was Sunday.
• Mary Ann was absent Dec. 11-16, because she had a fever, sore throat, headache and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever and sore throat, her mother had a low grade fever and ached all over. I wasn’t the best either, sore throat and fever. There must be something going on, her father even got hot last night.
• Please excuse Jason for being absent yesterday. He had a cold and could not breed well.

. I love to read those advice columns in the newspaper. I read one this morning. It said, “What is the worst thing a wife can get on her 25^th wedding anniversary?” “Morning sickness!”

. Doug was always teased by friends that his wife was more successful than he was. Some even insinuate he was henpecked, while he kept his sense of humor and always laughed it off. One of his friends asked him “Who wore the pants in your family?” “I do,” he announced. Then after a pause, he added, “I also wash and iron them.”

. Did you hear about the $3 million Redneck Lottery? The winner gets $3 a year for a million years!